>>5129 (OP)
In 2009 when I graduated HS I moved out on my own. I had no Internet access, the TV had transitioned to digital and did not work. No one cheered as a walked. I remember crying the first day on the floor, alone, and did not talk to anyone at all for many days. As this was the only time I ever lived on my own it was the happiest year of my life and I miss it to this day. it was fucking peaceful and I got over that 'lonely' shit after a few months.
The saddest years were when I was around many people. At one point growing up I had lived in a room with a triple bunkbed next to two normal bunk beds and a single, all in the same room, one shower, one tv, one computer that the parental guardians would check the history of. The computer had your back facing the wall and was outside of the bedrooms to avoid privacy, in between the living room and dining room. There were four other rooms with children in them on top of the 9. We usually topped out at 15 people. All we did for fun was go to walmart once a week and window shop. We were not allowed to ask for electronics for xmas nor bday. I used to wish for friends and a gf and a normal life back then but not when in college. It was the loneliest time when I had those 7 roommates. I currently live with my long lost parents, moved back in in 2012 after dropping out of college, and wish I lived by myself for the past 14 years. Even after 2009, on from 2010 -2012 I was not alone, so it's really been 17 years of asspain. I should have a gf if I need to be around people, not all these assholes around me, and even when there was no gf I did feel at peace and was very happy and also sober. I am not able to be sober around people, not if I'm going to be happy. In college I ate what I wanted, had money, a car, and unrestricted Internet access leading to tons of tv and roms to have fun with. This distracted me from homework so I failed at life, naturally, as it was too much to adjust to. People will assume it was this ethic of 'ur lazy or spoiled' but in reality the human can only adapt to so much without glitching. I used to go blind starting at 17, that being the year of age when I started to go gray, due to stress induced migrains. Due to malnurishment my fingernails used to crack and peel. A dentist told me I had moderate gum recession that year as well. Pus oozed from my toes, my foster parents refused to get me shoes that fit one year. They oozed and hurt from 17-22 when I finally got them cut out. Due to scarring they still look bad and I have to keep ripping them out now that I am 37. How do you get a gf when young when oozing pus?
Anyway, fuck people. They're just making you feel lonly. it's a lie that someone will make you feel better. They are failing you constantly. They can't even fix ingrown toenails and no girl is going to lvoe you like you'd love her. Even if she did you're supposed to save her and not the other way around. You forget what it's like to be lonely if your nose is not constantly rubbed in it through normalfaggot contact. I only ever had one gf before, 2007-2009, and she used to break up with me a lot for no reason I can remember. I hav not had sex since then, only with her. She asked me out and she broke up with me. The only people I used to talk to in HS were her friends, I had left behind the bad seeds from foster care, what value would they have? She did have a friend that became my friend from a church she went to, I used it as an excuse to get away from 'the home', but I grew to resent him, especailly as I did not live with him until 2010 after i had already gotten used to being alone after he failed to move in with me after she broke up with me. He moved in with the youth pastor instead. I hated xtians and still do, and this meant I was morally obligated to hate the bestie for being an xtian. This xitan stole my identity in 2012 to add to the super funny story that is my life.
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