>>28081 (OP)
>sometimes think in if im really saved as i still under my bad habits
Take heart. Cleaning up your life does not save you. You are saved by what Jesus has done for you. That is why the gospel is such good news. God has done for us what we could not do ourselves.
In Romans, the Apostle Paul writes that he felt the same way you do:
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:14-25 NIV
It is good that you are fighting against sin. The very fact that you are miserable when you give into temptation is evidence that you are saved.
>ask in better ways i can motivate myself to read and act his word more
The more you understand how sinful you are, and how impossible it would be to achieve holiness on your own, the more-clearly you will see how much God loves you. And the more you see how wonderful He is, the more you will love Him and want to read his word to be closer to Him:
"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God." Romans 5:8-11 NIV